Sunday, November 23, 2014

look beyond the tuneage bro

joe and i were up til the wee hours drinking while he tried to convince me that danzig is the only man who could possibly take arms against satan and win. right? the only adversary danzig has is dio. they're locked in an eternal struggle for ULTIMATE CONTROL.

check that shit out. dio is clearly one of the most dangerous creatures alive. plus, he has dragons on his side, as joe pointed out. and he'd probably ride in on a tiger. as much as i hate to admit it, i think he could totally devastate danzig. this fucking guy did:

i'm pretty sure danzig's ambition for ULTIMATE CONTROL is only fueled by his desire for the young virgins that come with the territory:

obviously, danzig is capable of very powerful black magic. it could really go either way. and who would oversee this righteous battle? joe said alanis morrissette but i was thinking that fag from anthrax. even tho he's clearly subordinate in the order of metal, i have a feeling that his beard is divine and could probably subdue BOTH danzig and dio. like that kid on captain planet with the heart ring.

quotes of daze past

joe and i
also saw
gang gang dance
two sundays ago...
we dropped acid
and swayed to their crazy ass shit
all nite long!
i wasn't too familiar with them before i saw them...i'm glad i went on hallucinogenic drugs. they were an absolute mind fuck...
lizzi bougatsos is tha baddest motherfucker you're ever gonna meet.

quote of the night:

jesus: *eyeing some late comers* "look at these guys, they don't even look like they know a show is going on"
joe: "hah yeah they're all just looking for a bar..."hey dude i wanna drink, lemme in...who's playing?"
"gang gang dance man, there's a cover"
"nah, not here for the gangbang...just need a stiff drink"
jesus: *high on acid, laughs for about ten minutes*

gang gang dance - princes

november fable

the day after thanksgiving i came home from work totally exhausted and collapsed on my bed as soon as i walked through the door. i rolled my ass over to check caller id and my arm brushed something hard on the side of my comforter...i glanced down and was met with the sight of a HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING SCORPION ON MY BED. i jumped up and ran into the kitchen screaming at the top of my lungs "OMG OMG OMG WHY THE FUCK AM I ALWAYS ALONE FOR THIS SHIT OMG OMG OMG" and i had to chug a beer before i could pull myself together. when i finally psyched myself up to catch that shit, i found that it was not a scorpion but rather a JERUSALEM CRICKET.

totally creeped out but mildly fascinated, i carefully entombed it in a small tupperware and covered the top with tinfoil. after thinking it over i began making plans to ritualistically kill it at midnight the following evening. when i got to the theatre the next day i showed it to everybody, most of whom found it revolting. we hid it under an empty straw box so we wouldn't have to look at it while we worked. at the end of a super long and busy day we looked under the box only to discover it had popped up out of the foil and was now freely walking underneath the flimsy cardboard straw box! jeremy and jasmine picked up the box and started yelling and crying and shit so i slid the box over an empty popcorn box and took it outside. i walked over to the ledge and after a moment, pulled the boxes away from each other and watched the jerusalem cricket descend. it landed softly, upright in a gigantic pot of flowers. it was still for a second, and then slowly disappeared, deep into the flowers, out of sight.

i'm glad i didn't kill it because now i feel like i AM the jerusalem cricket, or that the cricket was me, and pretty soon i'll be plunging into flowers of my own.

he doesn't cry for us, but when he does it's cuz he's drunk

i caught a sneak peek of "doubt" at the theatre monday night. i knew nothing of the play or the major hype surrounding the performances when i saw it, and i think it helped to BLOW MY FUCKING MIND. well, it's not exactly mind-blowing, i exaggerate but i was NOT prepared to be confronted so starkly about such a controversial topic and it kind of took me off guard. totally compelling questions about the age of consent baked into this general indictment of the church's tiering of authority. the scene with his mom was totally crazy! and this is a nasty little confession but i kind of have a crush on philip seymour hoffman, i know i know he's like daddy bear status which is sort of revolting but he's so BOOKISH and CHARMING i swear to god. and remember the opening scene to "before the devil knows you're dead"? where he's railing marisa tomei doggy style? dude i walked right out of the fucking theatre and got laid, it got me all worked up. gross but whatever.

gg allin - young little meat

sage francis - sun vs. moon

i want to walk around with you

i feel like i'm gonna die! i'm sooo sick, my sinuses are aching full of toxic green mucus and i can't stop coughing or sneezing. my voice sounds kind of sexy tho. anyway, happy new year you slimy bitches. my new year's eve was pretty off the wall. i don't even feel like summarizing it. maybe later.
but here's a picture of me in my leather daddy mask that i bought for the masquerade i only stayed at for like two minutes before i went to the crazy fucked up house party on 33rd and upas:

that's about it. really sick, have to work nonstop this week (sort of), i finally saw bruiser warren's triga vids and they are NASTY hot scally sex, what else....oh yeah, i might need a roommate to move in cuz i think one of the d00dz who already took one of the rooms is gonna flake. it's off 35th and adams in normal heights, rent's like 330 bucks and utilities come out to about 80 bucks a month. hit me up

oh! and i saw sin destino...what a fucked up movie! the psychedelic scenes when francisco the lead boy got all coked out were kind of amazing and reminiscent of james bidgood but it didn't make up for the devastating, kind of pointless plotline.

gnarly ex-girlfriend

ever have a gnarly exgirlfriend temporarily go insane and tell all your close friends and family that youre all fucked up and addicted to drugs and incapable of handling anything like a "grown-up" and in dire need of help? whenever it happens to me i just make a funny face and have a burrito...fuck reactionary paranoid white girls! sanctimony is so second-wave! take a step back and pull your nose out of those self-help books for three fucking seconds to realize that we're ALL embroiled in some type of struggle and you have no right to blow up somebody's spot or completely berate and demean the innermost pockets of their personal life! especially not the person you like to front is your best friend!

be your own pet - becky

i guess feeling good was my first mistake

the reader is a fucking joke publication that turns my stomach on several levels but has recently taken the fucking cake and smeared it all over the ground with their latest issue. the cover story was called "my gender is bunny", which covered this performance piece my friend micha did for her master's called "becoming dragon", a piece which examined Second Life, cross-species identity, and questioned the one year requirement of Real Life Experience that transgender people must fulfill before undergoing gender confirmation surgery. brilliant right? ernie grim, the reporter for the reader, tried his hand at balanced, genuine journalism but quickly failed and degenerated into a pathetic, incredulous imbecile, asking questions about micha's own transgendered identity and who funds her shit. the article ends with the reporter asking micha if she believes in god, to which micha hilariously replies "oh, no, that's as far from what i believe as possible." the editor then notes that micha asked to be referred to using female pronouns, which the editor "respectfully" declined. but then the reader booked micha on kusi morning news to chat about her project, and when she showed up "conservatively dressed with a long skirt, tights and a scarf up to [her] neck" she was told she would not be going on the air because she was wearing a fucking dress and they only wanted to focus on the Second Life aspect of her performance, NOT the transgender issues (which of course is inextricable from the piece). kusi is run by conservative right wing assholes and you should write them fucked up letters telling them how and why they should go fuck themselves. the reader, too. here's all that info, plus a link to the story and micha's excellent blog, technotrannyslut.

News Story Ideas

Good Morning San Diego

MAILING ADDRESS 4575 Viewridge Avenue
San Diego, CA 92123
SALES 858-505-5120
NEWSROOM 858-571-NEWS (571-6397)
NEWS TIPLINE 858-292-TIPS (292-8477)

the reader:
story link:
feedback link:
editor's email:

micha's blog:

you can't swing a dead cat in washington without hitting a closeted homosexual!

this morning sophia and i wrenched our limp bodies out of bed and trudged to the theatre to see "outrage", kirby dick's new film examining closeted gay politicians & the impact their refusal to publicly idenfity themselves has on shaping their positions on gay rights. i was not prepared for the amount of names, dates, or verifiable sources the movie manages to secure. among the coterie of cowards there were two significant indivduals that left a dirty taste in my mouth.

charlie crist, pictured here in a slutty belly shirt, is a slimy, spineless individual that "outrage" spent a lot of time exposing. in his youth, he subscribed to basic liberal tenets of freedom and equality BUT! when he was approached by republican backers that wanted to employ him as a political figure, he pulled a swift 180 and embraced the most conservative of political ideologies. from attorney general, he wiggled his way to the office of governor, which he ran for on a platform that contained a multitude of awful, dangerous policy measures, including: anti-abortion access, support of a closed border policy, support of the death penalty, and support for a federal amendment banning same-sex marriage. since his election, he has managed to raise tuition costs of public universities, upheld florida's ban on gay parents adopting children, appointed two extremely fucked up conservatives to the state's supreme court, and furthered the rights of citizens to carry concealed weapons (the permits for which are NOT public record). this guy even suported an initiative to offer christian-themed license plates, which residents could opt to buy & and would feature jesus christ either suspended on the cross, or gazing pensively out of a stained glass window (lol). the movie features interviews with gay members of his fraternity, who explain how crist used the frathouse as a gay bar, coming back every september on a "pilgrimage", so to speak, to sniff out new sexy fratboys who he could get it on with. this is a man who has been married twice, divorced once. this is a man who, when his name was being tossed around as a possible candidate for vp during mccain's campaign for president, quickly shacked up with a gorgeous blonde woman and, after losing the bid for vp, subsequently stopped seeing. the film even called HER to get her story, which she politely declined to give, saying something along the lines of "i think i should keep my mouth shut for now. call me in ten years, and i'll tell you a story." this man is a menace! and the major media outlets do everything in their power to keep his aberrant sexual lifestyle a secret! hilariously enough, he just tweeted about his recent decision to run for SENATE next year. let's see how that goes.

david dreier is the other scumbag that really burned me up. this guy is a major mindfuck though, because his partner is none other than his own chief of staff, brad w. smith! in the film, they analyze the travel expenses of dreier and smith since dreier has taken office and they always end up in the same exotic destination--one day apart. you would be shocked by the lavish vacation locations they have stayed at. brad w. smith also has the unusual privelege of making the highest possible salary allowed by law for a committee staff member: he makes roughly $30,000 more than any other chief of staff working for any house of representatives committee chair. dirty dirty nepotism. AND dreier is one of the foremost vocal opponents of same-sex legal rights, "which includes support of the Defense of Marriage Act, as well as votes against gay adoption, and against inclusion of homosexuals as a protected class in hate crime and employment discrimination legislation." [1] due to the huge outcry from gay advocate organizations concerning his anti-gay voting record, he voted against the federal marriage amendment, saying he didn't feel like the consitution was a document that should restrict the rights of citizens. what a champ.

this is a really informative, scandalous film and i urge anybody living in the cities that it will be playing to go out and see it. you're definitely gonna hear more about it, especially with next year's upcoming election. here's a list of opening dates for select cities:

May 8
San Francisco, CA: Landmark Theatres Embarcadero Center
West Hollywood, CA: Sunset 5
Washington, DC: E Street Cinema
New York City, NY: Clearview Chelsea 9
Philadelphia, PA: Ritz at the Bourse

May 15
Fort Lauderdale, FL: Gateway 4
Tallahassee, FL: Miracle 5
Seattle, WA: Landmark Varsity

May 22
Santa Cruz, CA: Nickelodeon Theatres
Chicago, IL: Music Box
South Coast Village, Costa Mesa CA
Camelot 3, Palm Springs CA

June 5
Tucson, AZ: The Loft Cinema
San Diego, CA: Hillcrest

i must confess though, charlie crist was fucking hot in college. i would have fucked him.